What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What! how could you do that?

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Are women as visual as men are?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Do you know what she said mum?

What do you mean son?

If my heart stopped beating, would I have enough energy to walk out into the other room 20 ft away before I passed out and died?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

How did Farrah Fawcett die?

True - how I loved my mum!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

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“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”